It's 2:16am and I am unable to sleep. I'm sure like many of you, thoughts of Angela keep circling my mind and I suppose by staying awake like this the past few days, I somehow feel as if I'm "staying" with her even though I can't be by her side for now. Something special between us when I come home to Nebraska is going for coffee together. I drink it (too much) every day, all during the day. I admit ... I really love coffee. I have fasted from it since the morning of the 8th as a gesture to The Lord of my pleas for her. I have learned much about the power of fasting and prayer from my precious father-in-law. He and Troy and my husband completed a three day fast and prayer for me only weeks ago because of some health issues I've been facing.
Tonight I was searching the Bible for a passage to post that would bring comfort and hope to all of us. Instead what I found was more precious and I want to go ahead and share it with you because we're all in this together. It brought more comfort and peace to my heart than I could have imagined.
While searching scripture I came across Isaiah 52:13 through chapter 53:12
This passage of The Word shares a compelling description of Jesus and what he endured while he was here. It was chapter 53 verse 10 that struck me afresh this morning. "Yet it was the Lord's will to crush Him and cause Him to suffer, and though the Lord makes His life a guilt offering, He will see his offspring and prolong His days, and the will of the Lord will prosper in His hand."
I have struggled in my faith "today" (it will be tomorrow when you read this) by being so protective of my sister that I almost wanted to beg the Lord to stop her suffering. All the images of what she must be going through flooded me and I fell apart. I called my mom to anchor me so that when the family called I could be strong for them and not show my feelings too much. All day I had an excruciating headache and I was so frazzled with feeling helpless and wanting to take this away from Angela... and I'm only her sister-in-law. I can't begin to imagine what Troy or her family is feeling. I have been in prayer for the peace of The Lord to flood her, and to flood them, but I fell to desperation today. I almost was angry at God... it took alot of willpower to pray through that, seek His face and remember that God gave Angela life and He is in charge of it.
But my Father is kind...and He is full of mercy and compassion. I have learned to trust Him even when I am scared out of my mind and looks like His back is turned. There is a small voice deep inside that reminds me that He is eternal and sees things on a much, much grander scale ... an eternal scale that I can't see. He sees the action and consequence deep into the future and His hand authors and guides it all.
So in the wee hours of this morning The Holy Spirit taught me something. He said that when Jesus was being tortured, the people watching Him go through the torture grieved and wailed and were feeling much the same way many of us are feeling now. There was no awe inspiring power that made them calm... they were scared too. They wanted it to stop too. It was because the full understanding of what God the Father was doing through Jesus wasn't realized by them until later. They just saw their loved one, in His young 3o's, an innocent man, being tortured, humiliated, and killed by people who overpowered them and they couldn't do a thing about it. They had to watch it and know that they were helpless to stop it.
Why did The Holy Spirit share this? It was because He said, for me (and maybe some of you too) what I'm feeling is completely normal and God is not offended by those feelings of terror. But He said, Angela's life is more precious to God than to anyone and He is using each and every detail of this time for His purpose. Angela is a glory to God. Her life is a glory to Him.
He reminded me that this life is only temporary and whatever Angela must face will be wiped away in time and she will be perfected again for an eternity. That this season is just a vapor in time, but her life is secure for eternity with Him. Just the same as what Jesus endured was just a vapor in time....but the consequences of that day and time have reverberated down through the ages and are still alive and making changes in people's lives every day. If God had stopped, for the comfort of those who were crying out to Him... the result would have been a far greater tragedy.
He asked me to trust Him no matter what happens and although He didn't have to (because He IS God) He shared that Angela's pain will not go unpaid and that she will be well rewarded for what she is enduring now. He also kept reiterating over and over that this event is working in more than just Angela & Troy's life. There are things He's working in all of us who are sharing this experience that will have everlasting benefits. We can't see all of the details, but I believe what He told me. I know that even as I write, my love for Him has grown just that much more, and my relationship with Him has been strengthened by trust just that much more... I've learned to lean on Him just a little more.... all benefits I have because of my precious sister-in-law.
Angela, I love you so much... I miss you like crazy. I can hear your voice in my head and I keep remembering the last time I was home and you and Sheila and I went out for dinner at that buffet. We had so much fun.... I really hope that we get to have more times like that together.
God bless you sweetheart (((HUG)))
