It's 2:16am and I am unable to sleep. I'm sure like many of you, thoughts of Angela keep circling my mind and I suppose by staying awake like this the past few days, I somehow feel as if I'm "staying" with her even though I can't be by her side for now. Something special between us when I come home to Nebraska is going for coffee together. I drink it (too much) every day, all during the day. I admit ... I really love coffee. I have fasted from it since the morning of the 8th as a gesture to The Lord of my pleas for her. I have learned much about the power of fasting and prayer from my precious father-in-law. He and Troy and my husband completed a three day fast and prayer for me only weeks ago because of some health issues I've been facing.
Tonight I was searching the Bible for a passage to post that would bring comfort and hope to all of us. Instead what I found was more precious and I want to go ahead and share it with you because we're all in this together. It brought more comfort and peace to my heart than I could have imagined.
While searching scripture I came across Isaiah 52:13 through chapter 53:12
This passage of The Word shares a compelling description of Jesus and what he endured while he was here. It was chapter 53 verse 10 that struck me afresh this morning. "Yet it was the Lord's will to crush Him and cause Him to suffer, and though the Lord makes His life a guilt offering, He will see his offspring and prolong His days, and the will of the Lord will prosper in His hand."
I have struggled in my faith "today" (it will be tomorrow when you read this) by being so protective of my sister that I almost wanted to beg the Lord to stop her suffering. All the images of what she must be going through flooded me and I fell apart. I called my mom to anchor me so that when the family called I could be strong for them and not show my feelings too much. All day I had an excruciating headache and I was so frazzled with feeling helpless and wanting to take this away from Angela... and I'm only her sister-in-law. I can't begin to imagine what Troy or her family is feeling. I have been in prayer for the peace of The Lord to flood her, and to flood them, but I fell to desperation today. I almost was angry at God... it took alot of willpower to pray through that, seek His face and remember that God gave Angela life and He is in charge of it.
But my Father is kind...and He is full of mercy and compassion. I have learned to trust Him even when I am scared out of my mind and looks like His back is turned. There is a small voice deep inside that reminds me that He is eternal and sees things on a much, much grander scale ... an eternal scale that I can't see. He sees the action and consequence deep into the future and His hand authors and guides it all.
So in the wee hours of this morning The Holy Spirit taught me something. He said that when Jesus was being tortured, the people watching Him go through the torture grieved and wailed and were feeling much the same way many of us are feeling now. There was no awe inspiring power that made them calm... they were scared too. They wanted it to stop too. It was because the full understanding of what God the Father was doing through Jesus wasn't realized by them until later. They just saw their loved one, in His young 3o's, an innocent man, being tortured, humiliated, and killed by people who overpowered them and they couldn't do a thing about it. They had to watch it and know that they were helpless to stop it.
Why did The Holy Spirit share this? It was because He said, for me (and maybe some of you too) what I'm feeling is completely normal and God is not offended by those feelings of terror. But He said, Angela's life is more precious to God than to anyone and He is using each and every detail of this time for His purpose. Angela is a glory to God. Her life is a glory to Him.
He reminded me that this life is only temporary and whatever Angela must face will be wiped away in time and she will be perfected again for an eternity. That this season is just a vapor in time, but her life is secure for eternity with Him. Just the same as what Jesus endured was just a vapor in time....but the consequences of that day and time have reverberated down through the ages and are still alive and making changes in people's lives every day. If God had stopped, for the comfort of those who were crying out to Him... the result would have been a far greater tragedy.
He asked me to trust Him no matter what happens and although He didn't have to (because He IS God) He shared that Angela's pain will not go unpaid and that she will be well rewarded for what she is enduring now. He also kept reiterating over and over that this event is working in more than just Angela & Troy's life. There are things He's working in all of us who are sharing this experience that will have everlasting benefits. We can't see all of the details, but I believe what He told me. I know that even as I write, my love for Him has grown just that much more, and my relationship with Him has been strengthened by trust just that much more... I've learned to lean on Him just a little more.... all benefits I have because of my precious sister-in-law.
Angela, I love you so much... I miss you like crazy. I can hear your voice in my head and I keep remembering the last time I was home and you and Sheila and I went out for dinner at that buffet. We had so much fun.... I really hope that we get to have more times like that together.
God bless you sweetheart (((HUG)))
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4 comments:
Dear Angie,
We have known each other since our youth. I have been praying for you since we first received word that you were in the hospital. Sherri has pointed out that many of us are being drawn to God in a new way due to this trial. I am learning in a new way how big a God He really is. The report from the surgeon yesterday was a miracle. God used that surgeons hands to sustain your life yesterday by His mercy. I have cared for many patients in a similar situation and I can testify by my experience that God performed a miracle. I will continue to pray that God's hands will guide those that take care of you. I will continue to pray that His mercy and healing will be upon you and that He will restore your health. We love you Angie as our sister in Christ.
Dear Troy,
You ARE a man of God! He will not leave you or forsake you. I pray for the Holy Spirit of Peace to dissend upon you during this time. Jacob, Nathaniel, and Isaac want you to know that you are loved. I have seen your touch in their lives because of your obedience to the Lord's calling in your life. I have seen the fruit of your work for Him in the lives of my boys. That is why I can say to you that you ARE a man of God. I love you brother and I am praying for you, your beautiful wife, and your girls. Hold on to Him Troy and don't let go!
Chris, DeAnn, Jacob, Nathaniel, and Isaac Springer
Troy and Angela,
Even 2000 miles away in Oregon, you are in my prayers. When life throws challenges our direction, we must hold fast to the truth we know. I'll never forget a lesson learned from Pastor Murdoch- "never forsake in the darkness what you learned in the light."
As I type, I'm struck with the fact that we serve a global God. The same God in Omaha is Lord over Oregon and if He can orchestrate the heavens and the earth in six days, surely it is within His power to hold you close in trying times.
Troy, you are a true model of godly living. I can't think of a single time I've ever heard you complain about circumstances or let life defeat you. I pray for the steadfast innocence of Job for you. May you always trust the Lord and never doubt His sovereign rule. "Rejoice in the Lord always! Again, rejoice!"
-=Tim Bess
Just wanted to let you all know I'm praying for you and miss you Angela, believing God for full recovery and return to work.
Love Bea Floyd
Troy
We have never meet before but I know the feelings and thoughts you are going though. My wife had a life changing event happen 5 years ago, and everything I read here brings back all the thoughts and memories from when she was in the hospitol. I know how hard it is to try to stay strong and focus with so much going on. You will be in my prayers.
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